Republicans and the rebellious cool kids

 

conservatives

I grew up in a very conservative household of a different era. My grandmother was an old-fashioned conservative woman. She put on a nice dress every Sunday, and went to church. She expected me to be a calm and conservative young man as well. She had absolutely no desire to be one of the cool kids. In fact, the few times she often talked about her past, she prided herself on the fact that she wasn’t one of the cool kids growing up. And a number of her friends, who were of her same era and generation, said the exact same thing. They didn’t want to be associated with all of the drinking and carousing that went with ‘being cool’. And the idea of my grandmother being rebellious against anything was as foreign to her as the Internet.

That was conservatism of a different era. I have dealt with many conservatives in the modern era, and many of them think a lot differently than my Grandmother’s generation. Many modern conservatives try to hide that sheer venom and contempt for modern society behind thinly veiled attempts to be cool or trendy, or even funny.

Case in point: Look at a number of the women on FOX News and female conservative pundits in media. They have immaculate hair, nearly perfect bodies, and they give off the energy and aura of high school cheerleaders in their boy-chasing mall shopping prime. These very sexy pundits argue for political positions that take us back to the 13th century. But their demeanor makes it seem like disagreeing with them is like turning down an offer to make out with the cutest homecoming queen in your school.

But the epitome of trendy rebellious conservatism is, Savannah, Georgia-based Graham Allen. Allen is a textbook trendy conservative. According to his bio, he served 11 years in Iraq, and had two combat deployments. He calls himself the daily rant guy, and prides himself on saying what other’s can say. While he bills himself as this rebellious hellion, he often repeats the exact same talking points that his more highly paid conservative media pundits state. But Allen’s delivery of his conservative message is… unusual.

He always seems to talk with this staccato voice, with an unusual forced grin. In many of his videos, he has a very large and powerful rifle. As he is ranting for gun rights, for Christian values, or for Donald Trump’s border wall, he seems to be presenting himself as a humorous jovial man. I guess hunting rifles are funnier than Johnny Carson to some people. He possibly could appeal to like-minded conservatives, but I highly doubt that he will appeal to anyone outside of his conservative circles.

Here’s something else that sticks out to me about Allen: His body is covered with tattoos, and he has facial hair. I personally do not care what he does or doesn’t do, but I am intrigued by his appearance: He boasts himself as a defender of traditional conservatism. In a different era of the rigid conservatism he defends, having a tattoo or any kind of facial era made you a dreaded hippie, the kind of hippies Allen preaches against. My grandmother and her old lady friends would be terrified of Allen.

This is what is so sad about Allen and all of the blond pundits: Those blond pundits may have bodies that will last until the 33rd century, but they’re advocating for a social order that will return America to the 13th century. Allen is not a rebel by any stretch of the imagination. He spent 11 years following orders, and is advocating for people following a strict religious social order. No matter how much Allen proclaims to be a rebel and a truth teller against those that are trying to silence him, he is repeating the exact same diatribes his president are. How exactly is that rebellious?

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